


5 times the team tried to set up Daniel and Martin (and failed)

by Laroja



Category: Football RPF
Genre: 5 Times, M/M, footballers are idiots, in which 'playing cards' is an euphemism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2083311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laroja/pseuds/Laroja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times the team tried to set up Daniel and Martin (and failed)</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 times the team tried to set up Daniel and Martin (and failed)

**Author's Note:**

> This one's kinda old and has been posted on Tumblr before but eh. Whatever. ;)

**0**

“We’ve got to do something,” Stevie said by way of greeting to the group assembled in the dressing room and was met with confused looks.

“About what?” Glen asked, eyebrows raised, and Stevie sat down heavily on the bench.

“About Daniel and Martin,” Stevie replied and with a look towards Daniel Sturridge and Martin Kelly, he corrected himself. “Agger and Skrtel.”

“Ah,” Lucas said. “About that.”

“Yes.”

“So you noticed it too?”

“Of course I did! Hard not to… They’ve been dancing around each other for ages now. If they don’t start fucking soon, I might go crazy.”

Stevie ignored the surprised sounds from some of the younger players (over on the other side of the room, Luis Suarez kept hitting Philippe Coutinho’s back after the youngster had choked on the water he had been drinking when Stevie had made his statement) and focused on those who were nodding in agreement.

“I think we can all agree that we need to do something,” he continued.

“And what are you suggesting?”

Stevie sighed. “I don’t know. Times like this I really miss Carra. It was him who got me and Xabi together.”

“Yeah, what did he do?”

Stevie’s lips quirked. “Yelled at us to get our heads out of our arses and stick something else up there. As long as he didn’t have to see or hear about it, of course.

There was silence for a few seconds until Glen spoke up again.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think that’s gonna work here.”

There were several more nods.

“Okay, what can we do then? Any ideas?”

 

**1**

“We could lock them in a closet?”

“Seriously? Isn’t that a bit cliché?”

“Hey, nothing wrong with cliché. Cliché works.”

“Alright. Closet it is.”

 

The door opened and Martin walked into the closet. “I don’t think it’s in here, Glen, I-“

He was cut off when the door suddenly slammed shut in front of him and the unmistakeable sound of a lock being turned could be heard.

“What. The. Fuck,” he muttered and glared at the door as he tried doorknob to no avail.

“It’s not gonna open,” a voice said behind him and he spun around to where Daniel was sitting on an upturned bucket, leaning with his back against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Hey,” Daniel said and smiled at him. “Welcome in the closet.”

“The hell is going on?” Martin grumbled and Daniel shrugged.

“No idea, man. They just shoved me in here some time ago and now you’re here too. Don’t ask me what’s going on in their funny little brains…”

Martin huffed and chose another bucket to sit on.

“You think they’re going to let us out soon?”

“Nope,” Daniel replied, popping the ‘p’. “Not a chance.”

“Great.”

“Yep.”

“Any idea what we can do until they let us out?”

Daniel grinned at him. “Oh, I’ve got quite a few ideas.”

A loud groan could be heard through the door, followed by a drawn out “Fuuuuuck” and Glen looked at the others in triumph.

“See, told you clichés are good.”

“You think they’re doing it?” Kelly asked fascinated and Glen shrugged.

“Sounds like it.”

“Should we check?”

They shared a glance before Glen unlocked the door and quickly pulled it open.

And there sat Martin and Daniel on upturned buckets and Daniel threw his hand of cards on the floor.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “I can’t believe you beat me again, you asshole!”

He looked up at the others still standing in the doorway, gaping down at them.

“Oh hey guys,” he said and smiled sweetly at them.

 

**2**

“So, the closet was a fail.”

“A major fail.”

“Who even carries cards with them all the time?”

“Maybe,” Coutinho piped up nervously. “We should just leave them alone?”

He was met with silent stares and shrunk back. He should’ve gone to Chelsea. He was pretty sure it would’ve been a lot less crazy there.

“Yeah, we’re not doing that. Any other ideas?”

“How about…”

 

“…  _Mistletoe_?” Daniel asked incredulously as he stared at the plant currently trapping him and Martin in the doorway to the dressing room. “Seriously? It’s not even Christmas!”

The others shrugged innocently.

“No idea how that got there,” Stevie said with the absolute  _worst_  pokerface Daniel had ever seen.

“But now that it’s there and you two are already standing beneath it…” Lucas added and Martin and Daniel rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Martin asked flatly and again, the others just shrugged.

“Come on, it’s just a bit of fun!” Glen said and Daniel turned to Martin defeatedly.

“Let’s just get this over and done with,” he sighed.

They stepped closer to each other, their faces mere inches apart. They were acutely aware that everyone in the room was holding their breath in anticipation until…

“What the hell are you doing here, standing around like that? The Premier League isn’t going to win itself!”

Until Brendan Rodgers stomped in and ushered them all out for their training session.

 

**3**

“We could try making one of them jealous?”

“Yeah, because going the cliché way worked so well the last time.”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

Silence.

“Yeah, thought so.”

 

“So, Daniel,” Stevie said with a  _not at all_ suspicious smile. “How’s Fernando?”

Daniel raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. “Fernando?”

“Torres.”

“Yeah, I got that. How would I know how he is?”

“Well you’re friends, aren’t you?”

They hadn’t thought it possible, but Daniel’s eyebrow rose even higher.

“He’s… good, I guess. We really haven’t been talking all that much lately.”

“Really? You always seemed so awfully close.”

Daniel’s second eyebrow joined the first.

“Did we?”

“Totally! Don’t you agree, Martin?”

“Oh no, don’t drag me into this!”

“We always thought you two had something going on, you know?”

“We were friends!”

“I don’t know, it kinda seemed like more. What do you think, Martin?”

“Honestly? I don’t care. Daniel can do whatever and whoever he likes.”

“Thank you, Martin.”

“You’re welcome, Daniel.”

 

**4**

“We could try the mistletoe again? That worked well. That is, until Brendan walked in.”

“We can’t try the mistletoe again. That’d be too obvious.”

“We could lock them in a closet again.”

“Did you not listen to me? We can’t pull the same stunt twice!”

“No but we don’t have to do the same thing. Just… Get them in the same room and force them to spend time together.”

 

“You want to what?”

“Switch rooms?”

“But why?”

“Oh you know… Rooming with Daniel is nice but I kinda want to change things up a bit?”

“You want to… change things up a bit?”

“Yup.”

The ‘p’ is popped.

“O…kay then?”

“Awesome, thanks Martin!”

 

“So, did you guys have a good night?”

“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t we?”

“Oh nothing. What did you do?”

“Umm… The usual? Watched TV, went to sleep…”

“And that was all?”

“Well, we did play cards…”

A collective groan.

 

**5**

“Well. I’m running out of ideas. Operation: Skagger remains an epic fail. Any last ideas?”

“I don’t know, maybe we should just be… more upfront with them?”

“More upfront? Are you kidding me?”

“No! I’m just saying maybe it would help if, for example, Stevie talked to them about him and Xabi? Maybe they’re unsure about having a relationship with a teammate. Talking about it could help.”

“That… could work.”

 

“So.”

Silence.

“So what, Stevie?”

“I just thought the three of us could have… a talk.”

“About what?”

“Right, I’m just going to do this… Listen, when I met Xabi, I never thought I’d fall in love with him but I did and it wasn’t easy, okay?”

“Stevie, what…”

“And I guess I was kinda scared because I didn’t know what would happen but in the end it turned out alright, I guess?”

“Seriously, Stevie, what’s going on?”

“I mean, apart from him leaving for Real Madrid, of course. But that didn’t have anything to do with me or us but with his career and I guess I just want to say that it’s okay to be in a relationship with a teammate as long as you don’t let it interfere with the job and it’s really cool with all of us so…”

“So…?”

“I mean, just if one of you…”

“One of us?”

“Wants to… Oh you know.”

“Know what?”

“This is awkward…”

“Honestly, Stevie, we have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh you know what? Forget it.”

“Right then…”

 

**+1**

“I think they’re trying to get us together,” Daniel said and looked over at Martin who grunted in reply.

“Really, what clued you in? The closet? The mistletoe? The absolutely not subtle switching of hotel rooms?”

“No, I think it was actually Stevie’s touching heart-to-heart. You think we should tell them?”

“Tell them what?”

“That we’ve been together for years now.”

“Nah, let them keep trying. It’s fun.”

Daniel shrugged. “Fair enough. And the room switching does have its benefits.”

With a grin, he rolled over and kissed Martin slowly and thoroughly. He was sure the team would find out soon enough but until then… Until then he’d just enjoy their cluelessness and the private time together it gave him and Martin.

 

**+2**

“Carra, we need your help.”

“I’m retired, you can sort out your problems in the defence yourself.”

“That’s not what it’s about and we don’t need you to help with our defence. Our defence is good.”

“Really? You think so? Well, I’ve got two words for you: Clean. Sheet. Ring a bell? No? That’s because you never have one.”

“Shut up, Carra.”

“So, what do you need my help for then?”

“We’re trying to get Daniel and Martin together. It’s not working.”

There was silence on the other line then –

“Are you fucking kidding me? That’s what you’re calling me for? You’re a bunch of idiots, that’s what you are. Those two’ve been screwing each other for ages now!”

“WHAT?”

“Sure. I told them to get their heads out of their arses and stick something else up there like four years ago. And they even understand the whole concept of ‘I don’t want to see or hear anything about it’. Unlike you and Xabi.”

 

**+3**

“So do I have to drive to London and kill Fernando?”

“Shut up, Martin.”


End file.
